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My ambitious nature is truly a double-edged sword.  In most cases, my drive helps me to launch into things with vigor.  However, when I do run full throttle, it is hard to hit the brakes.  There have been many instances where only some sort of outside force will become that figurative brick wall that I hit head on – which then, finally, does stop me…dead in my tracks.

This past Monday I went back into the gym and hit it…hard.  I was only twenty minutes into an hour workout when I could already feel my very unused muscles screaming at me.  My hamstrings were cramping up, I could feel that uncomfortable tension behind my kneecaps and up at the base of my butt.  Then my quads started to burn.  At about forty minutes in I dared to attempt two sets of 20 reps of a kettlebell thing.  I’ve never done this type of lift/swing thing and it looked simple enough: do a half squat, grip the thing, explode up in the legs sending the weight up in front of my chest, then use my core and legs to counter the weight as it swings back down, use momentum to repeat the swing in a steady rhythm.  This might have been doable had my legs not already been trashed.  Since they were, I think that I used my lower back to produce the lift and the swing.  This was a terrible, terrible move.  After my first set I could feel a sharp shooting pain seizing up.  Since I was trying to be “tough” I did not listen to this warning sign.  I just powered through in pain.

Pain is something that RA folks just deal with.  Even with medications, pain is still ever present and a part of life.  I’ve been dealing with pain and other health things for so long that I just didn’t believe this back pain to be any different.  So after a little rest I did the second set of the kettlebell lifts.  Even though I could feel the sting of a sharp pain in the first move, I clenched my teeth and gutted out 19 more.  I knew that I would be sore, sure, I’ve done that before where I killed my hammies and could barely stand up a couple of hours later.  I just figured it would be like that.  So, I cooled off with some very painful stretches on the floor and then went to grab my bag from the locker and head off to teach some tennis.

As I lifted my bag up, I couldn’t even clear my head to sling the strap across my shoulder.  The pain was electric, hot, and frightening.  I dragged myself to my car and lumbered to get into the seat.  Then as I was driving, I was stuck in traffic behind a truck that had caught fire.  Thus, I  ended up sitting for close to 40 minutes before I arrived at the tennis courts.  As I had been sitting in the car I could feel my back and my legs tightening up.  I turned off the engine and cringed as I tried to open the door.  My legs were so heavy and I had to use my arms to help swing them out of the car.  As I tried to stand up, I felt something twinge – slip – pinch – wobble…it hurt…and then it didn’t stop hurting.  There was no way I could stand up fully.  I was trapped at a high school parking lot with my tennis classes about to start across the street.  Fantastic!

That was Monday morning.  I quickly got my classes covered with other coaches and went home to begin ice therapy and I-Be_Hurtings (ibuprofen)…800 Mg geltabs.  I popped the Advil and hobbled to the floor.  I thought that I was hurting pretty bad for DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness – have had it before with legs and just thought that this was an extreme case).  I didn’t sleep as the pain just continued to get worse.  So I phoned my sister who had some pretty bad back issues a while back.  She agreed I should just keep icing it and see if it gets better.  It got worse.  Later that night I couldn’t move without clinging to a wall, countertop, on the bottom of my putter as I used it like a cane.

For three days I had endured and only ever felt a little okay when I was sitting still with an ice pack in place.  Finally, I got to the doc’s today.  Herniated disc.  No big shock there.  So he wants me to take prednisone.  Ahhhhh, no!  He also said no lifting…terrific, there goes my trying to get in some extra hardcore workouts before the crazy schedule of school started again.  Now, I’m taking even more steps away from fitness because I let my ambition get the best of me.

I will listen to my doctor about not lifting, since I can’t anyway.  He suggested that I walk in the pool in order to keep mobile.  I’ll listen and do that too.  But I’m still not so sure about taking the roids.  I just don’t like the thought of that.  So, even though not listening to my body got me into trouble in the first place, I’m still not sure that I will take the prescription.  In any case, I pushed too hard and now I’m paying for it.

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So I’ve have the GoWearFit for a little over a month.  Although I am not outwardly attempting to do anything fancy with my workouts or diet, I am learning a lot about how my body burns calories, my sleep efficiency, and where and when I am active during my otherwise sedentary day.  I used the “report” generator on the website to create a monthly analysis.  That was really informative.  The most interesting thing is seeing how my sleep patterns vary.  I’m not that efficient at sleep.  It is really something to see your actual sleep time blocked out.  There is an interesting shift that happens with my sleep around 2 a.m.  I go from burning 1.2 cal/min to 1.7.  That must be because of increased brain activity during my REM cycle – I would guess.  If I work out in the morning then I can burn more calories by just doing what I normally do.  Also, by eating breakfast, I keep my average cal/min higher throughout the morning than if I don’t eat anything when I get going in the morning.  Lastly, all the running around I do with the team after school seems to wear off rather quickly.  Honestly, this is a great tool and the only complaint I have is that website is really, really slow.  It is not supported by Mozilla, which is what I use for everything, so I have to use Explorer.  Maybe it is that or the Java that is slow, but it takes forever to get from screen to screen, upload, and then view the results.  It could also be that the site is just overwhelmed too.  Nonetheless, it is totally worth it and I’m more than impressed!

It snowed last night and this morning.  The weather looks pretty bad for tennis this week.  I’m taking another Sunday off since I am completely burned out on work.  I still have over 100 research papers to grade.  I do a few here and there throughout the day.  I just need to bear down and do it.  Making locker tags is so much more fun.  I also ordered the boys bag tags.  We shall see how that turns out.  I’m really enjoying the boys team more than the girls.  The boys work out harder, don’t complain about running and lifting, and get really pumped when they win games.  The girls are fun in a different way.  They get into the “sister” stuff more: getting little gifts, taking pictures, and dressing up.  I’m making the guys dress up for home matches.  They either love or hate it.  There are a few guys that know they look good and strut around a little taller and prouder.  The boys that like to blend in, because they are self-conscious, seem to squirm a little as they walk the halls in a nice button down shirt and dress pants.  It is good practice for them though.  They have come a long way in just a little while.

Okay, a few random thoughts then I’m out.  I had a very vivid dream the other night where I was holding the hand of some guy that I knew loved me – it is a dream.  It felt so real and I realized how nice it was to have that personal contact.  It made me realize how starved so many of us are for something so simple and reassuring as that.  The PLANET EARTH series should be mandatory viewing for hish school students.  Kids need to appreciate the world that they are a part of – and they need to feel a part of it, not disconnected because of their technological dependencies and instantaneous lifestyles.  Kids should also have to do some sort of coursework which requires community service: spending time with the elderly, cleaning up roadsides, visiting kids with disabilities.  The types of kids who already do this are not the kids who would most benefit the most from doing it.  I can think of a handful of my students I would love to send on a PeaceCorps kind of excursion.  I wish that I could just take them to Uganda or Peru or Nepal myself.  I cried watching the series finale of Battlestar Galactica.  I love how brilliantly they wove all the stories together at the end.  I kind of saw it coming based on what I know about hominid evolution.  I was sad that Starbuck never go to tell Lee that she loved him and vice versa.  Instead, she vanished and proved that she was indeed an angel walking among her people.  She was not afraid of death, rather she was afraid of being forgotten.  That is my fear too – must be why I write.  The characters of Divine Six and Divine Balter were very cleverly inserted into our modern world to provide an interesting commentary on “all this happened before and all this will happen again.”  The cyclical nature of the universe as a whole is represented with this concept.  I think about plate tectonics.  With the exception of The Himalayas, our mountains are eroding.  Eventually new ones will be made and then those too will erode.  It is amazing to consider that the gorgeous white sands of Florida are the quart which has been polished from the erosion of the Appalachian Mountains, which were once greater than the Rockies.  I totally dig mountains – so I live in the flatlands.  I should have been a Geo scientist.  I just wish I had more time and money so that I could travel and then write amazing stories about nature.

So, now that I’ve rambled….which is completely due to my whacked out sleep schedule…I apologize, I will wrap this up by saying the R.A. has been bad.  I’m not dwelling on it.  I’m so stiff and sore though.  I think it is all the major weather stuff (bringing me back to the assertion that our climate is infact shifting and our storm systems have become more dynamic in order to balance the greater swings from homeostasis).  The pressure change directly impacts joints.  With low pressure systems there is less compresion on the joint so it can swell more easily.  Okay, Planet Earth is showing the snow leopard.  Gorgeous – simply gorgeous creature!  Maybe I’ll grade some more – eventually.  I want to do more Eco-teaching with literature and critical thinking on these kinds of things.

I am so sorry for not posting here sooner.  I simply got very, very busy: things like keeping up with Doc appts and attempting to find the time to prepare super healthy food and run around with a sick cat…yeah, life was kickin’ my sorry ass all over and I couldn’t sit still long enough to write without falling asleep sitting in a chair.  Now my sleep schedule is all jacked up.  I’ve been having a hard time stilling my thoughts enough to fall asleep, then I’m having such active and vivid dreams that I’m often jolted awake way earlier than the alarm.  All in all, I’m lucky to get 4 or 5 hours of sleep.  This is why I had THE BEST Sunday yesterday.  I took the day off working at the club and just slept!  I was crashed out on the couch with the sun pouring in through the window.  The cat, finally done throwing up, was crashed out on top of me.  The TV was off and we just listened to the wind and the birds.  It was so peaceful!

The R.A. has been pretty bad.  The lifting and working out must have tipped the pain scale.  I was having such a hard time walking after any stretch of inactivity.  Mornings were excruciating.  I was hanging on to the bed and leaning on a dresser to make my way those first dozen or so steps.  My fingers were locking up and I attempted to wear my new thermaskin gloves more often – even at school.  Those things ARE GREAT!  See my previous posts for the link to the store….and no, I’m not getting anything for the endorsement.  The velcro is very catchy, but they do warm the knuckles and wrists.  I am very glad that I’ve had them for those  mild and cold snaps of weather these past two weeks.

I’m also back to taking the damn shot.  Of course three days after taking it I was sick as a dog.  My migraines came back with my period.  There were two days when I didn’t know how I’d drive home.  Of course, this could all be tied to the lack of sleep – which I attribute to sinus trouble – which I attribute to my immune system on siesta due to the damn shot – or lack of sleep attributed to constant and increasing pain – and no, I didn’t take any pain medicine (which I could, but it tears up my stomach and then I’m not sleeping due to heartburn)….man it is all interconnected!  If one thing is out of whack the whole system goes screwy!  I do know that I NEED SLEEP!  This is not a good mental state: exhausted, emotional (hormonal emotional), and in pain.  I know I’m preachin’ to the choir here, right?  Put Monthly Mother Nature on top of all that I am was ready to rip heads off.  I almost cried in school the other day because I was just so tired of putting in so many hours with my before-school frequent fliers for detentions.  I just really need Spring Break to roll around.  Then I can rest and enjoy some daylight.

The GoWearFit has been awesome!!!  I dropped 4 pounds – very slowly – in maybe three weeks just by seeing what I’m burning without doing anything more than eating more veggies.  I love the MSG warning.  That goes off with all kinds of processed foods.  I’m shopping at Whole Foods (which I can’t afford) because I have so much stuff in the freezer that sends my alarm beeping “MSG! MSG!”  Kind of frightening when you consider all the chemical crap in most of our food.  I finished reading “SKINNY BITCH.”  That is a VEGAN brochure hidden in a catchy self-help title.  Basically, it scared me but I am still prone to enjoying an occasional vittle despite the guilt and horrifying images that come to mind with it!  The positive side of reading that is that I thought about food a lot more…the negative is that is sounds like the self-loathing self-talk of any woman who has ever had or continues to battle an eating disorder.  I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I’m thrilled that the boys’ team is really coming together.  We started with two coaches and two players – we were told that we had to have 12 to make the season a go.  Now I have 20 really nice and fun players.  They seem to really enjoy it! I didn’t secure the recruit from football who showed amazing promise, if only I could have pulled off a golden set….6-1 didn’t cut it!  I’m fine with that since I’m so pleased with the boys that are out there in 40 degree rain and wind.  They have given me a lot of moments to beam with pride.  We are supposed to play the school’s first ever home match tomorrow afternoon.  The boys are all dressing up in professional wear for school and I hope that the rain holds off.  I think we could stand a chance to win!  Our #1 singles came from soccer and is super talented despite his minimal playing experience!

I’m really hoping to get my sleep balanced again.  Although yesterday was a perfect day, those are few and very far between.  I need to use that kind of time to knock out research papers!  I have over a hundred to go!!!  Yeesh I need a T.A!

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The Sacred Balance by David Suzuki